Five Times Being a Demon Was Inconvenient (And The One Time It Wasn't)
by Vienna Warren
Summary: "SAM-QUIT-SAYING-YOU-KNOW-WHAT-OR-SO-HELP-ME-I-WILL-MAKE-YOU-SUFFER!" Or the one where Dean figures out his new weaknesses as a demon and maybe discovers one strength.
1. Chapter 1

**AN - Hey guys! This was a request I got where Dean being a demon was more humorous than traumatising, so, this is what I came up with! Hope you all enjoy! ¬VW**

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><p>"<em>Christo<em>."

Dean flinched, angrily turning towards his brother. "Sam, stop it."

Sam smirked, glancing up from his laptop like he'd just discovered the secret to eternal beauty (not that Dean hadn't already found that answer). "It's your turn to do the laundry. All the dirty clothes are in the basket calling your name."

"No, it's not. I did the laundry four days ago!"

"And I did it yesterday."

"So we need more clean clothes? Just wear what you wore yesterday!"

Sam gave him his best bitch face. "Dean."

"Sam."

"_Christo_."

Sam had barely said the word but Dean cringed immediately. "Ah! Sam, stop-"

"_Christo_."

"Ughh! Sam-!"

"_Christo christo CHRISTO!_"

"AUGHHHH!" Dean let out a snarl as his eyes flicked black. "Fine, fine."

Sam smiled to himself as heard his brother unloading the drying. "_Christo_." He whispered, to no one in particular.

"Sam!" Came the annoyed growl of a reply.


	2. Chapter 2

Before Sam had learned to control Dean as a demon, life was rough. Dean had gone after Sam with an axe for God's sake. But once they were over that, it was okay. Sure, Dean had occasional bouts of unexplainable rage and fury, but by now, Sam knew how to deal with it.

"Sam!" His voice was a rusty growl, full of malcontent. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

Sam Winchester had his back to the wall and was clutching his weapon tightly in his hand. He peered around the corner, but the living room was empty. As soon as he pulled back around, a fist came flying at him. Sam ducked and heard the fist smash into the wall, splintering the plaster. "Dean!" he gasped, rolling away from his brother. Dean smiled, eyes dark as pitch. "Hey Sammy. Wanna play a gam-"

His words were cut off by the sound of liquid being squeezed out of a bottle. As soon as the mist hit Dean's face, the demon roared in agony and annoyance. "Is that...?"

Sam gave him his best bitch face. "Holy water, yeah."

"I'm not a fucking dog!"

"Right. You're just my murderous, bloodthirsty demon-brother."

"I will kill you!" Dean spat, lifting his hand again.

Sam's finger pressed the trigger of the spray bottle and he was answered by an irritated bark.


	3. Chapter 3

Despite the fact that he hadn't been doing much for the past couple of days, Dean was bored. And unfortunately, Sam wasn't doing anything to sufficiently entertain his brother.

"God, Sam. This is boring!" Dean snapped, pointing to the small television screen. "Really? Animal Planet? What the hell is this show anyway?"

Sam smiled. "What? Don't pretend like you don't watch "Too CUTE!" on a daily basis. It's classic. Puppies, little tadpoles, kittens? Tell me you don't love kittens, Dean."

His nose itched just thinking of those dander-covered animals. "Please, can you change the channel?" Dean's beer was empty and he was getting irritable.

"Nope."

"Dude, change it!"

"No." Sam chuckled as a Labrador tripped over its oversized paws onto a pug puppy. "How cute..."

"I'm leaving." Dean announced, pulling himself off the couch. He tried to take step forward, but found it impossible. "What the-"

"What's wrong?" his little brother asked innocently.

"A devil's trap? Are you kiddin' me?!"

"I guess you'll have to get used to puppies and kittens for now."


	4. Chapter 4

"Finally." Dean sighed contentedly, staring at the food in front of him. "Do you know how long it's been since I've had one of these?"

"Well, you've been behaving yourself, so why not?" Sam smirked, glad his brother was showing signs of improvement. "Dig in!"

Without further ado, the eldest Winchester picked up a fry and tossed it in his mouth. Suddenly, he retched and spit the thing out, tongue smoking. "It burnt my tongue!" Dean yelped, looking at his reddened tongue.

"Salt..." Sam nodded knowingly. "Because it's a symbol of purity and you're a demon, a most impure thing, it only makes sense that it would-"

"I don't care why it happened, I care that it happened!"

"Try your burger, maybe it's not salted." He watched Dean intensely as the demon took a hesitant bite and then spit. "Nope, it's salted."

"Sorry dude. That's life. You should've ordered a salad, like me."

"That's rabbit food, Sam." Dean pouted, still rather upset he couldn't eat his favourite food.


	5. Chapter 5

One night, whilst drinking in a bar with Sam and Castiel, Dean got an idea so fantastic that he cursed himself for not thinking of it earlier. It all came together when a gorgeous blonde, probably about 5'6, came sauntering in with her hips swaying. Dean's wandering eyes travelled from her black pumps up to her inviting chest. Sam smacked his brother's wrist for staring so long. "Dude, really?"

Dean shrugged. "It's been a long time, okay?"

"I am confused." Castiel admitted, giving the boys a puzzled look.

Dean clucked, shaking his head. "Man, it's just that girl. I mean, she's gorgeous." He discreetly nodded in her general direction before taking another swig of his beer. He didn't even need to be drinking anything, but the warm taste of it was both familiar and comforting.

"I thought it was considered rude to stare."

"It is." Sam affirmed, annoyed. "Dean just thinks she can't see him oggling at her."

"Sam," Castiel suddenly said, gruffly, "he's-"

The youngest Winchester watched his brother's mouth fall open, allowing black smoke to stream out of his throat. With a sickening thought, Sam realised Dean was going to possess that poor girl.

"Cas! Do something!" Sam glanced around, hoping nobody else noticed the thick smoke pouring from out of his brother's mouth.

Cas closed his eyes, concentrating hard, and the black smoke was sucked back into Dean like a vacuum. Dean spluttered and gasped, as if he'd accidentally swallowed a rather large icecube.

"What was th-that?" he croaked, pawing at his sore throat.

"Dean, you must not do that." Castiel informed him. "It is not morally right."

"I'm a demon, you idiot." Dean snapped, folding his arms and sipping his beer menacingly.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean had noticed Sam's weird behaviour that morning.

To an outsider, Sam's behaviour was perfectly normal. He woke up around nine, hair mused and sticking up. Got his coffee, sat down, opened the paper... and spilled his coffee all over the table.

"Shit!" he cursed, leaping up from the table as the steaming liquid began to drip off the table's edge.

"Good mornin' to you too." Dean chuckled, tossing Sam a roll of paper towels. He missed.

Once the mess was cleaned up, Dean pulled up a chair. His younger brother looked up at him. "Yes?"

Dean shrugged.

"Dean, I can see you want to talk."

"It's just..." Dean tried to sound sincere, but it was difficult, him being a demon and all. "You just seem like you've got somethin' on your mind."

"Well, I don't." he responded flatly, flipping to the opinions section.

Dean's eyes flicked black, staring right at his brother. Sam looked alarmed. "Dean! What are you doing?!"

The black faded into green and Dean's rigid shoulders relaxed. "Reading your mind."

"What?"

Dean smirked, knowing full well that one of the most convenient demons powers was that of mind reading. "I know you're still upset that I'm a demon, and it's affecting your work. When's the last time you had a case?"

"Uhh..." After considering it for a few seconds, he scoffed. "I've been busy."

"With what? Your crazy, psycho, demon-brother?"

"Well, yeah. I never know what you're gonna do. You could fly off the handle at any moment!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "That's not exactly true."

"It's true."

"Look. All I'm saying is that I'm fine. Completely fine. Because I also know you're worried. I actually..." He didn't want to say he liked being a demon, but that's exactly what he ended up saying. "I kind of like being a demon."

"Dean!" Sam's voice rose. "No you don't. We'll figure out something. Don't give up hope, okay?"

Dean leaned over and rubbed Sam's head, further messing up his hair. "I won't."


End file.
